Isabel Faith: One Year Home.

Exactly one year ago today, Tom and I met Isabel for the first time. 

 

I have spent a lot of time going through all of the photos from the past year, re-living our adoption trip and appreciating afresh all the wonderful new friends that shared a momentous life event with us.

 

If you have a few extra minutes in your day today, we invite you to experience a recap of Isabel's adoption and first year of grafting into our family.

 

We thank God for her--for preserving her life, for allowing us to be a part of her story, and for the chance to love her and be loved by her.

 

 

 

 

I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 9:1-3

 

Praise the Lord with us.

 

 

Adoption: What Difference Does it Make?

The answer to this question might seem pretty obvious.

A child from outside a family becomes a part of a family.  Forever. 

The circumstances from which that child comes can vary immensely from one child to another.  The essence, however, is the same in every case: the presence of both extreme loss and need.  Loss of a birth family.  Need for a stable, secure, loving, and warm forever family.

So the impact of adoption on the adopted child seems, clearly, good.  Very good. 

Many people advocate for children who need families, many people advocate for the cause of adoption and encourage other families to consider bringing these precious children into stable, loving homes.  And I heartily encourage all of us to stretch our thinking, evaluate our families, and prayerfully consider this avenue for sharing our love, our home, our resources, our energy, our very lives with those who desperately need it.

But what I really want to talk about in this blog post is not the difference that adoption makes for the adopted child.

(Hope you don't stop reading here...)

What I DO want to highlight is the difference it makes to the adoptive family.

My, oh, my, where to start?

When we began our first adoption journey over 5 years ago, I knew we would be blessed by the addition of a child.  I knew we could make a difference to that child.  But I had no idea how our adoptions would completely transform me, transform my marriage, transform each of my children, expand my thinking, and--most of all--thoroughly enrich my understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

A major component of this transformation, however, has also involved loss and need.  Not for our new child, but for the rest of us, for me.

Loss...of self-centered thinking. 
Need...for extra measures of patience and grace.

Loss...of protective control over more of "my" time.
Need...to recognize that time is God's gift to be invested in those most needful of it.

Loss...of dignity when a new child acts in ways that are less-than-desirable, especially in public.
Need...to give grace to said child and to any other parent seen in public struggling with behaviorally challenging children.

Loss...of any semblance of prideful self-sufficiency.
Need...to humbly ask for help when needed and accept it when graciously offered.

Loss...of control over the health and welfare of my children when facing serious medical trials. Need...to place my trust firmly in The Lord--whose ways are higher than my ways and who is able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine.

Loss...of fears that I'm failing at this task of parenting, compounded with each additional child.
Need...to recognize that success and failure in parenting is not measurable except to judge the state of my heart as I nurture and love.

There is now a richness to our family that would never have developed without the miracle of adoption.

• A husband and wife who face each other wide-eyed in awe of the responsiblity before them, yet strong in the knowledge that they're in this together, standing on a firm foundation that is bigger than either or both of them.
• A wife who sees in her husband a previously unnoticed tenderness and a generous heart willing to stretch his love.
• Older children who have taken on a new level of maturity in selflessly looking to the needs of younger siblings.
• A teenaged son who steps away from video games occasionally because he loves to make his littlest sisters giggle and shriek.
• A pre-teen daughter who has learned to open her heart, bucking her inwardly-focused nature. 
• A family where dual language sentences are common and we have twice as many reasons to laugh at silly verbal expressions.
• A mother whose grasp of the depth of God's love has deepened by considering the unfathomable gospel of Jesus Christ--that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, so that we might be adopted as God's children.

Adoption. It is good. The difference it makes is immeasurable.

One Year Ago...

...Tom and I were in China, getting ready to meet Isabel for the first time. 

I'm doing much thinking these days about the difference adoption makes. 

Feeling a blog post coming in.

Be forewarned.

Happy Chinese New Year!

新年快乐！

6 months as a family of 6

Six months ago, in a government office in Zhengzhou, China, it started like this:

From cautious and hesitant, to terrified, to seemingly relaxed and happy--all in about 45-minutes' time.

Then, a matter of days later, our brood of kids looked like this:

And we were all happy--thrilled that our journey to Isabel had finally come to its fruition, thrilled to be home after the long adoption trip, thrilled to begin a new journey of grafting in a new family member and establishing 3 new sibling-relationship-dynamics. 

As grueling and long as the adoption process can be, and as emotionally and physically taxing as the adoption trip itself can seem (especially when you leave the other kids home), I knew at this moment in time that our harder work was still to come.

The true journey for Isabel to grow genuinely comfortable, relaxed, and at home in our family, naturally, is an ongoing process.  One that refines each of us uniquely.  One that requires grace and patience and flexibility and stamina.  The end result is beauty; like many things in life worth doing, however, the process is not always easy or fun.

I recently read a blog post by a blogger that has a way of capturing the truth of life and emotions with humor and great writing.  You can read her post here.  I cannot come close to capturing the truth of adoption with the degree of humor and insight that Jen has done.  But I can completely relate to the different "stages" that an adoptive family goes through in that first year.  And I am happy to tell you about our family and how things are going six months later...

It is amazing to me that we have been a family of 6 for 6 months already.  

The first half of Isabel's six months with us was primarily spent at my side, helping me around the house, playing with me while the others were at school and work, running errands with me, and simply soaking up one-on-one mama time.  The afternoons were my easiest time of day because, once the girls got home from school, Isabel was completely engulfed in their world of play and fun and I was freed to do housework and cook dinner. 

Then came summer.  Which, if you are a regular reader of this blog, you know has been quite full with vacations, camps, trips, medical visits, and summer fun.  This has been 3 months for Isabel to spend with her siblings and friends in the neighborhood, get comfortable in a pool, play outside a lot, and spend time with extended family.  She did well with a week of Vacation Bible School at church (in the same group as Lilly) and did some semi-private swimming lessons (again, with Lilly) at our neighborhood pool.  Summer is more chaotic with less routine, and Isabel has had to learn to cope with lack of structure...not easy for her as she prefers the predictable.  Our many road trips have taught her about the permanence of our home--we always come back to it when we've been away--and the older kids' overnight camps have taught her about the permanence of our family.

Through all of these months, we have been catching Isabel up on her immunizations and seeing a developmental pediatrician to assess her global developmental delays and determine what might be the cause of them.  Her doctor is quite thorough and ran a battery of genetic tests (all normal) and ordered an MRI of her brain (which she underwent yesterday with no sedation--what a trooper) to see if there are any clues.  If the MRI is normal, then we have to assume her delays stem from environmental/nurture factors and proceed from there.  Otherwise, aside from being emotionally immature and physically uncoordinated, she is physically healthy and behaviorally pretty normal, for which we are thankful.

I also spent time in the spring working with the school system to get an IEP in place so that when she starts kindergarten in less than two weeks there is already a plan in place and her teachers will already know of her needs and delays.  Isabel has been talking about school excitedly since the spring--watching Lilly get onto and off of the bus each day and do her homework made her excited to do the same--and she is still looking forward to kindergarten this fall.  I am eager to see how she does with the separation initially, and with the adjustment to classroom routines and a completely English-speaking environment.   We have school supplies, a back pack, and new shoes...so in that regard, we're ready. 

Isabel's English is coming along...especially her receptive English (understanding what is said to her).  In fact, tonight as we headed out for our family date night in the car, it dawned on Tom and me that she actually gets Tom's jokes sometimes now (and, like her siblings, rolls her eyes at them!)  Her expressive English (what she can say) is a not quite as developed, but she can carry on a pretty good conversation and tell some stories in Chinglish.  Today, she carried on an imaginary conversation with her friend, Yuan Yuan (the 12 year old whose family adopted her and was part of our travel group when we adopted Bella), on her toy cell phone, most of which was in English ("hello? what?  What you say? Why?  Where' your mama?")   I'm sure that being in a school setting with only English being spoken will help with the expressive language...can't wait to see. 

Isabel's early years are, and always will be, a mystery to us:  Abandonment in a rural village of Henan Province at around the age of 3, for unknown reasons. Developmental delays identified upon abandonment.  Living for the next 2+ years in an orphanage, with an intervening short stint of evenings and weekends with a "foster family."  On her first "birthday" in our family (the date they assigned as her estimated birthday when she was brought to the orphanage), I found myself musing on her early years, wondering who had carried her, given birth to her, and held her those early days and months.  Wondering what could possibly motivate a mother (or, perhaps, a father, or aunt or uncle or grandparent) to abandon their little girl at the age of 2 or 3?  Any number of scenarios cross my mind, and I'm sure there are many more scenarios that would never even occur to me, coming from a foreign culture and background; but we'll never know for sure.  So I am learning to become comfortable with the mystery and preparing myself to have to try to explain this mystery to her someday when she is curious. 

Because of the mystery of her past, however, we face more unknowns in her future.  I am certain that the road to her maturation and development will not be quick nor easy. 

But--here's the joy--the privilege of loving her, watching her gain skills, teaching her many new things, giving her opportunities to develop and mature...that privilege is ours.  Her family.

So here's to the next 6 months, and the next, and the next...may they continue to bring joy even amidst the growing pains, and may we each have eyes to see the long view.

    

Dying to Self

To continue a previous blog post...how is Amy doing with all the transitions?

It's a question with a variety of answers, again depending on the day, hour, and moment you ask.  And even though I left you hanging after that previous post because I didn't even know where to start, these extra few days haven't really made it any easier to write this post tonight.

And so I'll just say...goodnight!  That's all for now, folks!
Ahem.  Sorry. 

I will seriously get on this now. 

I'm doing great.  Really.  It's all good.  And sometimes hard.

Let me start by saying simply this:  adoption is not for the faint of heart.  As I mentioned in my previous post, bringing a new child into your home--whether through birth or adoption--is a major life transition. I have found with both of our adoptions that there is a period of time post-adoption where I experience this very ugly (and also probably very normal) feeling of regret that we brought a new child home and turned everyone's lives upside down and then I get slapped in the face almost immediately with wrenching guilt for having such an ugly feeling as regret.

Let me follow that statement closely with this one:  what a privilege it is to be called to adopt, and to be adopted as a child of God myself.  Even though adoption (or any major life transition, really) is not easy, it is, indeed, a holy calling and brings with it abundant joy. It is when I get past the burden of "self" and think through the wonder of God's love that I experience the joy.  

Those two statements side by side actually help me to see why my response to the question "how are you doing with the transitions?" is ambiguous.  I find myself challenged in so many ways (and perhaps, "pruned" to make me more fruitful) through this process of transition.  Indeed, it is really about dying to self.  Loving in a truer, more sacrificial, way. 

For example, old comfortable routines can be disrupted and a new little being demands your attention, time, energy, patience, and love.  In my case, I am an early morning riser.  I love my mornings.  Note the word "my."  I had grown very accustomed to thinking of those wee hours as belonging only to me to do as I pleased with my time.  I would, generally, have at least 2 hours to myself before I had to get my girls up for school. Jared is a teenager so a) he's pretty nonverbal in the morning and b) he's not usually in the mood for a full up cooked breakfast so he doesn't mind at all if I exercise rather than sit and chat with him over french toast.

So typically my mornings would start with a few of my favorite things:

My daily non-fat latte...

My daily time of Bible study and prayer...

And then perhaps one or more of these:

My spin bike (and OH, how I miss my Body D spin friends and teaching spin classes!)

My running shoes

For our first few weeks with Isabel home, however, I was able to do very few of my favorite things in those wee hours.  She was rising much earlier than my other kiddos.  So, instead of my favorite things, I saw a lot of this:

A pretty cute face to see first thing in the morning, don't ya' think?

Yes, she is one of my most favorite things, too, but those other things are what keep me grounded.  And finding another time to do them while she was awake was extra challenging.  Thankfully, she seems to like the jogging stroller, and sometimes she even says "don't you want to exercise downstairs?  Then I can watch TV!"  My preference, however, is still for those things to happen in the wee hours, all by myself (and I really don't want her watching much TV).  Dying to self...learning to be more flexible in my agenda and time.

Aside from the relatively petty issue of relinquishing familiar routines, bringing a roughly 5-year-old child into your life brings with it the added challenge of parenting a child whose behaviors you have played no part whatsoever up to this point in shaping and molding.  Those early weeks I found myself growing irritated at things Bella did (poor girl!) simply because I had no idea why she did them.  Like bringing me things that I didn't need at that very moment all the time.  And asking me constantly "Whose is this?  Whose is that?" as she tried to get a sense for just what in this house might belong to her.  And asking me constantly "what are you doing Mama?" as she tried to understand my daily routines and activities around the house.  And repeating things over and over, seeking my affirmation that she had it all right, as she ran through each family member's daily schedule.  And using a very whiney tone of voice any time she needed to convey her need to use the restroom.  Dying to self...learning to tolerate undesirable behaviors and beginning to slowly and gently peel back those that need to change.

Creating a virtual twinship (is that a word? or would it be "twinhood?") with Lilly also creates unique parenting moments...as in almost every single moment, every day.  Simply helping them both get used to the other, communicate, and learn to share most everything takes much time and energy.  The girls have come a very VERY long way in the few short weeks Bella has been home, and it warms my heart to see them playing together.  But I see much subtle jockeying for position and possession happening constantly.  Not having parented "multiples" before, I find myself not only second guessing my responses to them, but feeling utterly drained by the end of each day simply trying to love and help them both to the extent that they need.  Dying to self...drawing on wisdom beyond my own, loving beyond my own reserve, and giving beyond my own capacity.

Two other ugly emotions frequently arising through this experience are feelings of guilt and feelings of failure.  They are big ones...to be the subject of another post, another day. 

Beyond the many emotional issues above, logistical issues also abound, especially with such a broad range of ages under one roof. We still want Jared and Anna to be able to do the activities they enjoy, but transportation (with two to buckle into 5-point-harness carseats) and coordinating schedules is not always easy. Thankfully, Tom is great at arranging his schedule to help with some of the driving (which, especially in metro DC traffic, makes a huge difference).  Keeping up with each kids' school assignments and progress and projects is nearly impossible.  Keeping enough clean underwear in the house is nearly as hard.  Each week sort of has the feel of a marathon--and by Friday we are all ready for the post-race massage and recovery.

It's really easy (and tempting) to look out my windows at other houses and other families, and envy the fact that their lives are still "normal" and their "well-adjusted happy" children are not having to cope with major life upheaval and deal with parents who are frazzled and weary.  I know, however, that such thinking is foolish, as every single human being faces challenges and stress and friction. 

On the whole, I am beyond grateful for these challenges and the changes in our lives that have brought them.  My joy is to love with God's crazy love and to enjoy moments like these: 

2 Weeks--Grafting In

Two weeks ago tonight, we entered our home for the first time with Bella.  There was much excitement, we were greeted by Nana, Pap Pap, Jared, Anna, Lilly (and Tad stayed outside for awhile) with balloons, chocolate cake, ice cream sundaes, and love.  It was so good to be back in our home again after 2 weeks away...so good to be with our other children again...so good to sleep in our own beds.

Bella with Nana and Pap Pap at church the morning after we got home with her.

Our first night at home.  Yikes!  All of those children are mine!

Ready for our first church outing as a family of 6.

And yet, it was still different.  Something happens with any addition to a family--whether through birth or through adoption--family dynamics change.  Sometimes a little, sometimes a LOT. 

Change, even when it involves exciting and good things, can be difficult.  It takes time to adjust.  It causes anxiety, stress, weariness. 

So, you might ask, how is it going with the changes in the Cantilina house? 

Good question.  Glad you asked.  And the answer to that question might vary widely depending on which day, which hour, which moment you ask.  In addition, I am sure the adjustment is different for each of us, causing different sorts of anxieties in each of us. 

But, generalizing, let me say it's actually going pretty well.  Sometimes amazingly so.  Praise the Lord. 

So, let's talk a little bit about each of us:

LILLY:
Obviously her adjustment in all of this is the biggest.  She is giving up her berth as the "baby" and is no longer the only cute little Chinese girl in the family.  Bella gets lots of attention from others, and Lilly is suddenly having to share everything from her bedroom, her clothes, and her toys, to her Mom and Dad, her sister, and her brother.  Plus, she has to go to school while Bella gets to stay home with Mama all day.  Lilly was really sick the whole first week Bella was home, which made her very disinclined to play or engage in any way with Bella.  It was a rough, rough, first week.  Lilly began to show some anger and some resentment, but didn't even really know how to verbalize her feelings.  Her anger was directed at me, primarily, and she would vent it by shutting down emotionally, ceasing to attempt to communicate in words, choosing instead to resort to grunting, crying, wailing, kicking, and tantrums.  Whew.  No fun. 

I have had to be very intentional about spending time with her, and recognizing the cues that she is getting ready to go into "angry shutdown" mode so that I can attempt to get Bella occupied elsewhere and give LIlly a few undivided moments.  I have had to spend lots of time trying to draw her out and give her the words to express what she is feeling.  It is hard work.

But it is really paying off.  This second week has been SO much better!  I'm sure having decent sleep and being healthy have contributed mightily to this progress.  But I also think that Bella and Lilly are beginning to form a sister bond and it is VERY fun to watch it take shape.  Lilly has actually been happier this week than I have seen her in a really long time.  She enjoys it when Bella tries to copy her or follow her, and today they spent the entire day playing not just side by side, but together.  They manage to communicate pretty well without too much help from me, and only need some intervention every now and then to help sort out squabbles or communication gaps. 

I am also seeing a new sense of independence in Lilly that has been a long time coming.  For the entire school year, she has insisted that Anna sit with her on the bus.  Anna was her security and she was heavily dependent on her every single day.  Anna, thankfully, willingly complied and was there when Lilly needed her.  But this week, Lilly began to declare that she no longer wants Anna to sit with her on the bus home from school.  She seems to want some space.  And that is good.

Headed to the park with our babies.

Zonked after dropping Anna off at swim team...

The week Lilly was so sick we all ended up asleep together on the couch.

ANNA:

Having been through this transition once before with Lilly--who was much more difficult initially than Bella has been--Anna has handled Bella's arrival really well.  Bella has been slowest to warm up to Anna, it seems, than to any other member of the family (in fact, I don't think I even have a photo of just the two if them) which does bother Anna, but as a result, Anna is starting to seek friendships with friends her age rather than just with Lilly, which, again, is a good thing.  She is going outside more.  And she isn't giving up on Bella--she still tries to engage her and helps her as much as she'll allow.  Now and then, she and Lilly still sneak away for some Anna-Lilly time (their bond, which also started out really rocky at first, is very very strong).  I am confident that, in time, Bella will warm up to Anna and seek her out when she's home.

JARED:

Jared is probably least impacted by Bella's arrival.  His days at school are long, his homework load is heavy, and so he's not very "present" much of the time.  Bella LOVES her gege, however, and it is fun to watch him pick her up, carry her around, and play with her.  She giggles and squeals and runs to him for more. 

TOM:

Tom is feeling the tug of home vs. work right now.  He wants to be there to help me as I transition to having a preschooler at home again (more on this below), and yet he has SO much going on at work, and feels pulled in many different directions there.  He does a great job of being available to help with transporting the big ones and helping me around the house--especially when Lilly got me sick last weekend.  He is most definitely a keeper.  Bella loves her Baba, though now that she is with me only most of the day, she expresses her preference for "mama" to be the one to help get her and Lilyl ready for bed and read stories.  He is making an effort to make this a tandem event so she gets used to either of us being there for bedtime.

and, last but not least,

AMY:

...not knowing where to start, this will  be the subject of another post another day...



A Family of 6 for 11 Days--A Random Mish Mash of Thoughts

Hello dear readers! 

I am coming up for air after a week and a half home...it's the first time I've felt able to take a few minutes to attempt to bang out an update for the blog. I am taking advantage of the fact that tonight was leftover night and the kitchen is already clean and the kids are all in bed and I am not needing toothpicks to prop my eyes open tonight.

There is no way I can fully capture the many emotions and thoughts from the past week and a half as we have begun the adjustment process of having Bella in our family. I cannot begin to describe the many things we are discovering about her and the many ways we are seeing ourselves each being stretched, challenged, and molded through this experience, just as we were 3 years ago with Lilly.

But I will try.

Our first week home last week was a doozy.

Our first day with everyone back to school and Tom back to work went really well. Bella and I went for a jog, got some groceries, and played around the house.

That night, however, Lilly woke up in the night with a high fever--a virus that brought with it runny nose and nasty nasty cough that prohibited Lilly from sleeping for nearly 4 nights. She was home from school from Tuesday through Friday and during the day she wa feeling so bad that she just wanted to be held all day long. I felt as if I was neglecting Bella and wasn't able to engage her the way I would have liked to. The upside was that the little girls got some concentrated time together with no one else around so they could beging forming a bond. (though Lilly didn't feel much like playing or sharing my attention with anyone). 

Bella got sick later in the week--very brief fever and one tummy episode--and I had a similar bug on Sunday. By Sunday night I felt like I had been hit by the aircraft that brought us home last week.

We are, I am happy to report, finally all healthy and doing well.  Praise the Lord!

More to come in a few future posts about things we are seeing in Bella and learning as we get to know her better, and more about how our family dynamics are.

Oh, and now that I'm not typing blog updates on the iPad, how about some PHOTOS??

All for now.

A Bittersweet Final Day in Guangzhou--Homeward Bound Tomorrow

We have successfully managed to fill our days this week with fun and relaxing ways to pass the time in Guangzhou--sometimes on our own and sometimes with friends from our group. We have had several group dinners by the playground at the hotel--once ordering in Papa Johns (the night after the goose intestines we were all longing for something more, ahem, familiar) and last night we brought back delicious Chinese carryout from a local "to-go" type restaurant. Those evenings are fun times with our friends--who have become like family--watching the kids run and play together. The hotel is filled with so many adoptive families from all over the world--no matter where we go there are people who seem like friends almost instantly because of our common adoptive experiences.

We have spent quite a lot of time simply walking through the beautiful Yuexiu Park, just across the busy street from our hotel. The park is enormous and filled with lush green foliage, fragrant blossoms, scenic lakes, paddle boats, and people of every age. You can easily forget that just outside the park gates is a busy metropolis, as birdsong fills the air and the sight of people simply strolling and relaxing brings on a very carefree feel. Today as we walked around we saw many groups of older adults exercising together, playing in musical groups, holding choir rehearsals, dancing, and doing Tai Ji Quan. Young couples strolled hand-in-hand or sat snuggling on benches. Young parents and some grandparents chased young children over the sidewalks. Everywhere we went we got smiles--and some stares--and many people attempted to speak English to Ya Ya, which made me laugh inside.

Our resolve to enjoy our time in China--even while our divided hearts longed to be home with our other 3 kids--was indeed fruitful this week. Now that we find ourselves homeward bound tomorrow, I find myself experiencing myriad emotions, some bitter, some sweet. I find myself mourning the losses Ya Ya has already experienced in her short life--abandonment at a young age, life in an institution, "abandonment"/relinquishment by those familiar caregivers to our care.

At the same time I find myself in many ways anticipating the new lossees that Ya Ya is about to experience as we depart her birthland and the familiarity of her language and culture. Even though she has made an enormous transition just staying with Tom and me for the past 10+ days and living in 5-star luxury, she has still been surrounded by Chinese speakers and familiar faces, not to mention wonderful new little friends in our travel group, especially Yuan Yuan. Many in our group depart this afternoon for Hong Kong, and we are going too make sure to see them off when they leave the hotel today. Thank God for skype, facebook and e-mail technology so that these girls can stay in touch.

Even though an adoption trip is physically and emotionally exhausting, I know that our harder work lies ahead once we get home and begin the process of cultivating a new family dynamic and grafting Bella into our midst. She has been amazingly resilient so far, but I know she harbors some fear about the changes yet to come. Yesterday, as I was scrolling through photos on my phone, I came across a few shots of her new bedroom at home that she had not yet seen. I showed her the bedroom she will share with Lilly and the two little beds and cute little toys and books. As I explained that this is where she will sleep she began to shake her head and said, very seriously "I'm not going there." I explained that this really was where we were going and this IS our home--soon to be her new home--and that Jared, Anna, and Lilly (who we see everyday on Skype) are waiting for us there and can't wait for her to come home. Still, she shook her head, and, with tears in her eyes, said "I don't want to go there." When I asked her where she does want to go she said "I want to go home. I'm scared." I am truly not sure what "home" means to her, and she doesn't seem to really know either. She cried for a little while as I hugged her and reassured her that she had already grown to trust baba and me, and that she would soon feel at home in this new place.

We didn't mention it again until this morning at breakfast, when I was talking to Yuan Yuan about everyone's various itineraries home and asked her if she'd like to see Ya Ya's room and siblings. So we shared our photos and Ya Ya got to seem them again, too. I told Ya Ya that Yuan Yuan would be leaving today and we'd be leaving tomorrow...she didn't say much in response, but didn't look sad either. When we skyped home after breakfast, Jared took her on a tour of the house with his laptop webcam, so she got to see many of the rooms (and meet Nana and Pap Pap as well!)

My prayer is that she will manage this transition just as well as her transition to our care last week. And I know that the transitions for each of us will continue for many months to come. My prayer for each of us is that we will truly reflect God's crazy, sacrificial love both within and without our new family dynamic.

When You Have to Ask, You Usually Don't Want to Know...

OK, so I may be able to communicate fairly well in this country, even here in Guangzhou where Cantonese is more commonly spoken. I am pretty comfortable asking for directions (and understanding the answer), negotiating prices, talking about my family, and even helping travel-group friends find their missing wallet and passport at the local amusement park (another story in and of itself...to be a part of a potential mini-series entitled "The Adventures of Lisa and Stan)...

I am NOT, however, very good at ordering food. Nope. I may know how to say the words for the major types of meats and the major types of vegetables. I may know how to ask for dumplings and noodles with no problem. But ordering a meal for a group in China is truly an art form. Put my adventuresome self with a table full of American adoptive parent friends and put me in charge of ordering for the group--let's just say you never know what might show up on the table for dinner.

And we didn't even know what some of it really was until 48 hours later.

So, backing up to Monday evening, after a full day of shopping at the pearl market, getting carsick after McDonald's, chilling in the hotel room, and walking around the local park, we decided to try a local Cantonese restaurant our guides had recommended. When we found the place, we were faced with tanks full of sea creatures and reptiles which we decided not to spend very much time looking over in favor of looking at the finished product on the menu photos instead. Our friends' 12-year-old daughter helped me navigate the menu, but oftentimes the photos were not very clear exactly what the dish contained, and the written descriptions (when I could read the characters) don't always tell you much about the actual contents either as the Chinese names are often more like literature or poetry ("fragrant freshnesses" and such).

Yuan Yuan and I actually eventually did head outside to choose a fish from the tanks at the strong urging of the wait staff (which didn't speak much Mandarin, mostly Cantonese). How to choose fish? I am not a fisherman...and generally buy fish from a case in a supermarket with labels that are very clear. I don't usually see my dinner swimming around just moments before it appears on my table. But, choose I did. I think it was a flounder (a flat fish with an eye on the upper side?) My dad would know what it was. I just knew it was not an eel or a turtle or an alligator tail or any other bizarre delicacy that none of us was eager to taste.

So, as the food came, we enjoyed it all, still not entirely sure what most of it was and finding that the noodles seemed a little rubbery but enjoying it nonetheless. Ya Ya ate it all with relish...the rest of us ate it all and felt mostly satisfied. But by the end of the meal, most everyone was making comments like "I could sure go for a Snickers bar." or "I'm in the mood for some ice cream" and what not. It made me feel bad that we had not ordered enough food and it was also not delicious enough that we wanted to order another dish or two to really fill us up. Instead we stopped for McDonald's ice cream cones on the way back to the hotel,laughing at the adventure of ordering food with a very large communication gap.

So, fast forward two days to tonight. I invited our CCAI guides to join our family and a few others for dinner so I could learn about ordering Cantonese food. Maggie and Grace are awesome, and happily agreed to come when they heard about my epic fail in ordering for our group. As they perused the menu, they invited me to look at it with them to tell me more about what the dishes are. When I saw on the menu one of the dishes we had ordered just 2 days prior, I asked them what it was (as the noodles had been so rubbery...we had thought maybe they were seaweed or something). Imagine the shock when they told me that what we had consumed was...GOOSE INTESTINES. Oh my word. Did we ever laugh. And I am pretty certain my friends will never EVER allow me to order food for them again.

They ordered an amazing array of delicious foods and every last bite was sumptious. We practically licked the plates clean. Food is important--it felt so good to be free of the responsibility of ordering for others. But we still do need to eat for a few more nights here...Grace and Maggie recommended another restaurant for another night--a Mongolian place--and assured me there is nothing weird on that menu. We shall see!

Is it Time to Go Home Yet?

OK, we are trying so VERY VERY hard to just kick back, relax, and enjoy the luxurious life we are living here. Really trying hard. I mean, what is there to complain about when we have plush beds we don't have to make, a gorgeous bathroom we don't have to scrub, delicious array of foods for breakfast day and nary a dish to wash. We really don't have to think very much if we don't want to, either, since our wonderful CCAI guides take care of that for us. (though speaking Mandarin all day long does require some thinking on my part). We are simply passing the time, trying to fill these free days while we wait for Bella's visa to be processed, so we can take our oath at the US Consulate and get on an airplane bound for Dulles.

Let me list the main reasons, however, that I find it REALLY hard to just simply take it all in and enjoy: Jared. Anna. Lilly. (oh yeah, and Tad). I know Tom could add to that list the feeling of achievement being at work each day too.

So, will somone pleaes remind me a few months from now--when I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and scrubbing dirty toilets--how much I should have enjoyed this last week in Bella and Lilly's birthland?

OK,now that I've said it, I'm more determined than ever to soak it in. I'll have to settle for pretend Skype hugs and kisses (and what Tom and I are calling Skype parenting) for 5 more sleeps.

Enough about that. Let me tell you more about Guangzhou.

Yesterday we spent the morning with the group visiting the same temple and Chen House that we visited with Lilly's adoption group. We also went back to the same Arts and Crafts store to buy some jade items. In the afternoon, I took a few friends with me back to the photo shop to pick up the prints from my disposable cameras and drop theirs off. On the way back we stopped in at a tea shop, which reminded me of Teavana in Tyson's Corner (though not nearly as ritzy!) where we got to sample some green teas and check out their supply of all sorts of other teas. We briefly stopped at a Chinese pharmace to get some saline for one of the babies with a stuffy nose, and--when asking about the dried seahorses they had in the Chinese medicine section--got to learn more than we wish we had known about the benefits for men.

In the evening we headed over to Shamian Island with a few families for some more shopping and dinner at Lucy's. We only at there once last time, and I don't really feel any need to go back this time--they serve a wide variety of foods including burgers and fries, Mexican, as well as Chinese. Bella ate half of the kung pao chicken I had ordered as well as her own order of a mini burger and fries (she claims she has eaten burgers before and loves them). It was a fun night with friends, for sure. Just like last time, I'm really going to miss our travel group and look forward to staying in touch back home and seeing our children grow up.

Today, after skyping with the kiddos and Grammy and Pop Pop, we headed with the group to have the TB results read (she was fine) and then moved on as a group to the Pearl Market. We got Bella some pearl earrings to match the ones we got Lilly and Anna when we were here last time. Then we headed to McD's since we were all hungry and it was right there. Bella seemed to enjoy every bite of her chicken nuggets and french fries...but the cab ride home was too much for her poor stomach and her lunch ended up in the zip loc bag that I now carry with me anytime we're in a car. Poor thing. And for the first time, she cried (not like the wailing from gotcha day or the orphanage, which was almost an animal-like cry for help, but the kind of cry that comes from a child who doesn't feel well and knows that mama and daddy care). We came up to the room and laid right down for a little nap. She is still snoozing now--I think all this shopping and activity is really wearing her out. I'm sure it's much more action than she's used to.

So, the challenge before us for the next few days is to find enough interesting things to do to help the time pass (and let us enjoy China), but not so much that Bella is exhausted.

Guangzhou--A Whole Different Kind of China

After a low key day in Zhengzhou yesterday--which we spent hunting (successfully) for dramamine for our carsick-prone girl and walking around the local park with our friends--we said our goodbyes to our awesome CCAI guides Yisha (who we also had when we adopted Lilly) and Vivien and boarded our flight to Guangzhou.

Our arrival was late and it was hard to keep my eyes open to listen to our guides explain the schedule for the next few days. Ya Ya didn't even try to stay awake and had a nice snooze as our bus made its way through Guangzhou traffic from the airport to the China Hotel.

We arrived so late we took no time whatsoever to familiarize ourselves with the hotel, so this morning when we got to see the loveliness of the hotel where we're staying for the next week, we were struck by the luxuriousness of it all. The breakfast buffet has no trouble whatsoever holding a candle to the buffet at the White Swan--the hotel on Shamian Island where adoptive families traditionally stay in Guangzhou but which is currently under renovation. Every kind of cuisine you can imagine is available, all freshly prepared before your eyes. And cappuccino. Mmmmm. OK, enough about the food. We are so roughing it.

This morning we headed on the bus to the medical exam--a very cursory exam for all adoptees. Ya Ya did great--not showing any signs of fear even when faced with a TB test prick. The doctor who examined her, when looking over her paperwork and seeing her identified special need as "low intelligence/delayed development" asked us if we felt like she was delayed at all. We told him from our observationns she really appears pretty normal; he seemed to agree though he didn't really use words to express it. He genuinely seemed to wish us the best, however, as he finished up her file and sent us on our way.

We got to spend about an hour on the island visiting the shops and buying some items--and some of the shopkeepers remembered us from 2009. We headed back to the hotel for some noodles for lunch and some down time.

The three of us then walked around the area around the hotel, found a place to drop off the disposable cameras I had sent to have the photos developed, and just took in the Guangzhou scenery. Ya Ya seems content to just hold our hands and walk with us; she also enjoys our hallway or play room playdates with other families, so she and I went to the playroom while Baba hit the treadmill this afternnoon. This place is filled with adoptive families from all over the world--even some Mennonite families are here adopting.

Ya Ya (she is still learning to say Bella) is truly coming alive before our eyes, showing more personality each day. When we are driving on the bus, it is fun to watch her face as she gazes out the window at passing scenery. She is most quiet on the bus, making me wonder what might be going through her mind as the sights whiz by her eyes. Maybe she is just mesmerized; maybe she is remembering where she came from and wondering about her life ahead. Only God knows. But I am pondering up all of these moments in my heart for now. I look forward to someday hearing what she remembers from her past life.

In this hotel, I feel more disconnected form the other families in our travel group because we are scattered throughout the hotel, but we have many fun group activities planned so we can still be connected.

I know all of us are VERY readyy to be home and reunited with our families at home. I simply cannot wait to see Bella with Jared, Anna, and Lilly and let them meet their sister. I am praying for a harmonious integration for Bella into the family and family rhythms; and for open hearts from her siblings as she begins to be grafted in.

OK, enough words for now, off to dinner with the group for us.

My Husband is a Genius!

Tom made a way to get photos from here to there and there to here...here are some of the better ones, most of which you have already seen if you are on Facebook...

Have I Mentioned that She's Ours?

Today made that even more evident than any adoption decree could.

After a quick skype to the kids and Grammy at home (I sure miss those guys!! Sorry I wasn't there to help with your Chinese homework, Jared!), we packed up some donations and headed to the van to take us to the Luoyang CHildren's Welfare Center, about a 2-hour drive from here. One other adoptive mom from our travel opted to come since her son was also from Luoyang; the other two Luoyang families opted not to come (just as we opted not to go to Lilly's orphanage because of the distance and possible emotional trauma for Lilly).

The ride itself was mostly uneventful--it was nice to talk to the other adoptive mom, who has also adopted from the Ukraine--except for Ya Ya getting carsick about two thirds of the way there. (of course I hadn't brought extra clothes).


We had explained where we were going and that it would only be a quick visit, but that she would come back with Mama and Baba. WHen I asked her if she wanted to go see her friends and ayis, she actually slightly shook her head "no." I made sure she thoroughly understhood she would not be staying there again by having our guide reiterate it in case I wasn't making it clear enough in my Mandarin, and she still didn't seem thrileld by the idea of going. We still carried through with our plan to go, figuring she would still do ok and we really wanted to see where she had lived and have the chance to get some photos of the children there for waiting and prospective adoptive parents in the States, just as we had benefitted from others sending us photos of Isabel while we waited.

When we pulled up, her face brightened when she first saw the outside of the building. She very clearly recognized it. She managed to say hello to the director who met us at the entrance. THen we went in. The smell was the same smell that was on her clothes when we received her--not a good stench. It was pretty grim and dark in the hallways. They led us down the hallway to see her "school room" and her little classmates were SO excited to see her! They came running over calling out her name and smiling. The teachers/ayis were also happy to see her and smiled and said "look! Huanya has come to see us!" Isabel responded by closing her eyes and wailing a wail quite similar to the one she had cried the day we received her. Please don't leave me here with these people! Only *this* time we were the GOOD people.

I immediately scooped her up and held her close, remining her quietly that we were only visiting and would soon leave to go back to the hotel with Mama and Baba. The ayis gave me a piece of artwork she had done at some point, and then we moved on to see the sleeping rooms. I continued to carry her (she is quite heavy!) throughout the orphanage after that, just to reassure her and prevent any ayis from attempting to pick her up. One of them actually attempted to take her from my arms but I held tight and leaned back and Isabel made no motion toward the ayi at all. By the time we got to see her bedroom, she was secure enough to set down and she immediately pointed out her bed to me when we walked in. She willingly Stood by the bed for a photo, but the look on her face is clearly not the same joyful look she has had for the past few days...much more subdued. Once we got outside again, she was willing to smile and pose for some pictures in front of the orphanage.

I had hoped to talk with some 12 year old twin boys, but they were still in class. So we said we would come back after visiting the train station where the other adoptive mom's child had been found abandoned. She took lots of photos there, then back to the orphanage we went so I could meet the boys. That meeting went well and I have some photos and some video footage to share with a prospective adoptive family. Isabel and Tom stayed in the van while I did that to further solidify to her that she is absolutelty DONE at that place and when we got back to the van Tom told me she hadn't stopped babbling happily to him (in Chinese) since I had left. She has been more animated and happy now more than ever. She seems to have even more life rather than just a pleasant attitude, showing more personality and talking more. I think it is sinking in her for as well as for us that she is, indeed, ours and nothing can change that now.

We were supposed to stay and have lunch with the orphanage director and some workers after that, but Isabel had starting throwing up in the van after the train station, so we had a good reason to bow out of lunch.

Once we got back and had a nice bath and did lots of laundry, we have been having hallway playtime with the other kiddos and their parents. We have opted not to take part in any tours tomorrow so she doesn't have to ride in the car again (since the next day we fly to Guangzhou).

An update on our friends adopting the 12-year-old, praiase the Lord she has given her consent and has even become friends with an American 11-year-old in our group who is here adopting her little brother with her family. They are even having a slumber party in the hotel tonight after a girls' shopping afternoon with one of the guides and the 12-year-old's new adoptive mom. Praise the Lord! They definitely will have work ahead of them, but a huge hurdle is now over and it is so good to see smiles on their daughter's beautiful face now that she has a friend.

We are praying for better rest tonight than we have had for the past few nights...Tomorrow will be a low-key day--we may try to hit the pool with Bella and see how she likes it.

And, yes, I am still technologically inept. Because I am updating the blog on my iPad, and my photos are on my iPhone, I cannot seem to find a way to get the photos from there to here. Even when the photos are on my iPad, I cannot seem to find a way to get them onto the blog. I kjnow a way must exist, but someone more technologically savvy than me (and less droid-centric than Tom!) will have to show me someday. For now, I will continue to put most of my (many) words here, and some of my photos on Facebook (*not all of them as upload speeds are so slow...)

Thanks for reading!

She is Ours!

Yesterday was official adoption day. Huanya is now legally our daughter...even though she has been our daughter in our hearts for 10 months. It was almost breathtaking as I stared at the adoption decree and realized that--yikes! I am Mama to 4 kiddos now!

She continues to simply be happy, cooperative, smiley, and sweet. She was easily entertained with crayons at the notary's office, and simply stood by my side as we waited for the adoption paperwork to be finalized at the registraion office--the very room where just 24 hours prior she had grieved the removal from her ayi and her placement into our arms. We had more ramen noodles for lunch in the room, and headed to the Lotus Center for soome shopping this afternoon.

This experience has been so different from our trip to bring home Lilly. Different ages and different personalities has made this almost too easy this time...we were ready for a much more difficult trip.

We continue to spend time with a couple here, who are here adopting a 12 year old girl. They are an amazing couple--losing a son 2 yuears ago and now attempting to welcome home a little girl who has experienced so many losses of her own. They are now facing the prospect of this little girl possibly turning her back on this opportunity for a new life, as she is struggling to give her verbal consent for the adoption. Lisa and Stan are amazing to me and I find myslef praying for them constantly and helping them to communicate as much as I can.

Last night we all had somewhat fitful sleep...even Ya Ya, though you would hardly know except that she lies quietly and whispers to herself.

Tom and I each were not feeling well yesterday but some zithromycin and some motrin hasa done wonders for me.

Today we visit Luoyang Orphanage. Hoping to visit some 12 year old boys who have a family considering their file. Praying that Ya Ya will not be in any way traumatized by going back to this place, but will understand this is just a visit and mama and baba are forever.

Time for breakfast! Then on with the day. Photos to come on Facebook!

Official Adoption Day in Zhengzhou

Morning, February 13 "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew Him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God." 1 John 3:1 , 2 "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us. Consider who we were, and what we feel ourselves to be even now when corruption is powerful in us, and you will wonder at our adoption. Yet we are called "the sons of God." What a high relationship is that of a son, and what privileges it brings! What care and tenderness the son expects from his father, and what love the father feels towards the son! But all that, and more than that, we now have through Christ. ~Charles Spurgeon

The paragraph above was in my devotional yesterday morning, the day we received Isabel. How appropriate and how gracious of God to give us this reminder on the very day that we adopt her as our daughter.

I stand amazed at what a smooth first 24 hours we have had with Ya Ya. I know we are likely to have some rough moments--especially as she feels more comfortable and safe with us and make be less inclined to be compliant all the time--but she has been so pleasant and easy so far.

Last night it was so fun to watch her smile at the screen when we skyped with Anna and Lilly (Jared was already out the door to school), and she happily played with her new little doll in Baba's lap as he dozed. She has no problem letting me brush (and brush and brush) her teeth (which surprised me--when I saw how bad her teeth looked I suspected she had never seen a toothbrush before or had always put up a fight when brushing). When I told her it was time for bed, she smiled and said "ok!" and happpily cllimbed up into what is probably to softest, plushest bed in which she has ever slept, wearing new soft fuzzy footy PJs, and laid right down. I prayed over her and kissed each of her hands and her forehead just as I do with Lilly and she just smiled. I told her daddy and I were tired too and would be going to bed soon in the other bed and she said "ok!" By the time we were done brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed, she was asleep without a whimper.

It is now 6:40am and she is still sleeping soundly--barely a peep through the night (just sleeping noises and squeaks now and then). I am curious to see how she'll feel when she wakes up and sees that this is all not just a dream.

Today is the official adoption day--after breakfast we will head to the registration office and the notary office to have all of the paperwork sealed, notarized, then sent for translation.

Tomorrow we may get to visit the orphanage at Luoyang--today we will continue to evaluate her to decide if a visit will cause her any anxiety or renewed grieving. I suspect she will do just fine.

I think she likes us!

Day 1 with with Isabel (they call her "Ya Ya") has been amazing.

She is so very easy going!

When i suggested changing her clothes since the room was so very hot, she was thrilled to see her new clothes to put on. When I tried to put some of her many layers back on later to walk to the nearby Walmart in search of shoes for her, she took one look at the old clothes and said "I'm not cold...I don't need to wear those." SHe didn't mind, however, wearing an extra layer of *new* clothes to stay warm outside!

She is eating well--and eating normally without hoarding food--and played most of the afternoon with us,coloring, playing with a ball, going for walks (counting stairs), and beginning to talk and relax quite a bit.

She seems to us to be cognitively and developmentally normal...counting into the 20s, copying shapes tom drew for her, interacting appropriately, displaying normal gross and fine motor skills. Not really knowing what to expect, we were prepared for much less.

She played happily in the bath tonight and read through her photo album with Tom before we skyped with the girls and Grammy at home. Fun to see her smiling at her big sisters...we hope to catch Jared Monday evening EST...

Now we are settling in for sleep...we'll see hhow the night goes. Hoping it is a smooth and easy as the day has been!

I promise tomorrow I'll figure out a way to post some pics here...too tired now.

"Ya Ya" Has Arrived!

It has been quite a morning here!

Let me start by saying I am technologically inept and cannot seem to post photos to the blog for some reason, so for now the pics are all up on facebook. I WILL figure this out soon,though, and get some pics up here.

Isabel's group from Luoyang was the first group to arrive to the registration office, and she was all smiles as we watched her walk in from the van with her ayi.

She continued to be smiley as the ayi pointed us out to her and we smiled and waved. I offered her a lollipop which she happily grabbed, but did not want me to open it for her. She continued to look over her shoulder to make sure her ayi was still nearby as Tom and I talked to her and attempted to coax her a little closer. The minute I made a move to touch her or pick her up, however, the wailing began. Oh. My. Word. She has healthy lungs, to be sure. And stamina. She may have triathlons or marathons in her future becuase it was a work out just watching her scream for about 30-45 minutes straight. No amount of food offered, words in Chinese or English, smiles, or touching made a lick of difference. So we waited. I pulled out the photo album we had mailed to her awhile ago with photos of our family, and began to turn the pages and point people out.

Slowly, so she could hear me, the wails stopped and became whimpers. Then stopped altogether. Then she began to even answer me when I would ask her "who is this?" in Chinese when pointing to photos of the kids and Tom and me. She began to relax in Tom's lap. She began to look around the room with curiosity at all the families and Chinese children.

Then it happened. The smile. I don't remember now even what it was that made her smile. But once they started, they stayed. She has been smiling and talking ever since.

She answers my questions in Mandarin and seems to understand everything I'm saying. She laughs when I say somthing silly (for instance, as I was asking her what her favorite foods were and I threw in a silly question "do you like to eat shoes?" at first she smiled and said "yes" but when I said "really? You eat shoes?" she looked at me and laughed.)

She has a pretty nasty case of tooth decay...I think the dentist will be our friend for awhile when we get home. She came with very little--they returned the photo album and the disposable cameras I had sent, but she was only wearing her clothes and a pair of slippers. No coat, no shoes. Wow. They ayis answered all of my supplemental questions for which I was thankful.


I cannot wait to skype Jared, Anna, and Lilly tonight (morning their time zone) and let her see her siblings!


So it begins. A new little life, being grafted into ours. Praise the Lord, Glory to God.

Getting fueled up and ready!

This is it.

We slept decently last night but by 3:45 I was pretty much just lying there with thoughts of the day ahead racing through my mind. By 5:30am, we gave up trying to sleep any longer and headed down for a quick workout and swim.

We are now enjoying our last "date" breakfast--just the two of us--and will be headed out in just under 2 hours to go meet the children.

In our travel group, many of the couples are receiving their first child ever--how exciting to see them make the transition from 2 to 3! And a few of us are back for another adoption, one of the children being adopted is as old as 12! How exciting for her to finally be received into the loving arms of a mama and baba.

Oh, I do not feel worthy for this journey, this joy, this privilege. How blessed we are to receive a precious child to love and nurture. Even though we still have a sense of trepidation, we also have the joy of knowing that, no matter what challenges lie ahead through this process, it will all work together for our good (for each of us in our family) and God's glory.

May He be glorified today in our hearts, minds, words, and actions.