...and I have all but disappeared from the blogospehere.
My previous post probably helps to explain my absence. Life has continued to feel much like a broken treadmill with the many unpredictable snowstorms and ice storms blowing the way of Northern Virginia this winter.
But I have learned to alter my gait and we have been cranking along--doing normal weekly stuff and finding time for some family fun, some dinner parties and lunch dates, a women's retreat with my dear friend Gracie, a trip to Florida to mourn the passing of dear friend Cindy, and lots of laundry along the way.
Blogging, however, has been scarce. Even finding time to think deep thoughts has been scarce.
What have we been doing, you might ask?
Well, since I'm sitting here in the surgery waiting room at CHOP for Lilly's 11th surgery and I have a little bit of time all my myself (with dozens of other waiting parents, some of whom seem pretty relaxed--probably frequent flyers like us--and some of whom look anxious and weary) I thought I'd take a minute and let my fingers bang on the waiting room keyboard.
Tom is working so very hard at Malcolm Grow at Joint Base Andrews. He is a strong leader and works hard to take care of patients, his people, and processes to make things as efficient as possible. The snow this winter has prompted him to implement new weather policies, more popular with some people (the patients!) than certain others, but he's always sure to press on to do what's right. He works equally hard at home to take care of me, keep the house in good repair, and connect with the kids. I love that man and am so grateful for him.
So, we attended a junior college prep night with Jared a month or two ago and the fact that he will he a senior in the fall and it's time to gear up for the application process is sinking in for all of us. Jared's words, when I asked him for his thoughts on our way home from the evening, were "Wow. It's really time for this for me. Wow." I concur. The summer--we hope--will involve him working as a lifeguard and thinking deeply about his ambitions and getting those college applications well underway. He has dreams of attending the Air Force Academy and becoming a pilot, with back up options including civilian schools (such as Embry Riddle) and doing ROTC or even a year of prep school or military enlistment before going back to school. Praying for God's clear leading and direction for Jared.
Anna is having a good school year despite her dislike of the snow days, and I suspect she's pretty ready to be a high schooler. She's not one to partake in middle school girl drama, and she sees a bit of it each day. She does have some good friends that she enjoys and most of her time at home is spent quietly in her room doing things she enjoys--playing games and reading. She's done with swim meets for this season...surgery timing has meant we couldn't take part in some of the final meets of the season, and she is pretty middle-of-the-pack for her age group so doesn't usually qualify for the bigger championship meets. She's happier when she's swimming hard during the week, and recognizes that she is physically stronger and just feels better when she's swimming, so she pretty much tolerates the meets but is in it more for the training and the discipline. She has a piano recital and festival coming up--I'm glad she still enjoys her music.
I often lump Lilly and Isabel together when I talk about them because they are so close in age and tend to do things together much of the time. But other than their ethnicity and their age and their last name, these two little girls really couldn't be much different from one another in terms of their personalities. Lilly, my nearly-8-going-on-38-year-old daughter, is mature beyond her years, thinks deeply about all things, asks serious and probing questions about life and the universe, and get anxious about doing her best at all times. She takes prayer seriously (today as we waited to go back for surgery, she prayed that God would help her beat me at a card game we were playing--she beat me 5 out of the 6 times we played!) and she puts into practice the things she is learning and memorizing from God's word (when frustrated with Isabel I notice her taking deep breaths and whispering to herself "an angry man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel." Proverbs 15:18) She does question why God made her with an "S" in her back, and she has begun to ask more questions about her biological family. I have no answers for either of those questions, other than to tell her how very thankful I am to be her mommy and sometimes God lets us go through hard things for our good for reasons we don't always know. We celebrated Lilly's 5th anniversary of joining our family this weekend, and it's surreal how quickly 5 years has flown while at the same time not being able to fathom life before her or without her.
Isabel, having been in our family now 2 years, has, in many ways matured and grown astronomically. When she's relaxed and happy, she is a true joy. She loves school and her teachers, she loves her family, and she has many friends. She is happiest when she knows what's on the agenda and things go according to plan, when her tummy is full, and--I'm slowly learning--when mommy is relaxed and happy. During the time she has been with us, we have been hoping and waiting for her tantrums and episodes of extreme emotional dysregulation to begin to subside. Sometimes it seems that they have, that the instance of them has decreased. But truthfully, they still happen frequently, nearly daily, and sometimes our afternoons can feel like just a cascade of emotional stress swirling downward. As I alluded in earlier posts, the disruption to routines with all the snow days was not helpful, but since it's a part of life, we have been trying to help her learn to cope with disruption.
Because the emotional meltdowns were continuing and--due to my own expectations that they should be gone by now--were leading to my own ugly place of emotional angst, I reached out to a wise adoptive-mama-counselor-friend for some advice. She recommended a book by Heather Forbes entitled "Beyond Logic, Consequences, and Control" as a starting place. I quickly devoured the book and its second volume as well. I'm now in another of her books and have found myself implementing a whole new parenting paradigm with Isabel that is so very counter-intuitive and unnatural to me, but is making a huge difference in how I feel about Isabel as I interact with her, and my hope is that with more positive interactions and less emotional stress in our home, this approach will eventually help the emotional dysregulation in Isabel to diminish as well. Naturally, emotional stress affects every family member and every relationship in the home, and my hope is that this approach will benefit all of us. I love her fiercely, but am realizing that my love needs some effective tools to back it up to best nurture her emotional development.
So, in a hefty and long overdue blog post with no photos whatsoever (sorry!), that's what's up with us.
For anyone who has read to the end of this--I thank you! You obviously love and care for me and for my family!
I just got word that they are now closing up in Lilly's surgery and expect to see Dr. Campbell soon. I am so thankful for this facility and the excellent care here that allows Lilly to have good quality of life.
