Overcoming the Broken Treadmill

This blog post is a reprint of a devotion I gave to my local Community Bible Study Leaders' Council this week. I reprint it here as an encouragement to anyone who feels like life can sometimes be like a broken treadmill.

 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6

I love to run.  I know some of you can relate, but others are probably tuning out right now because the only good reason you can think of to run would be if you were being chased by a deadly wild beast.  But, please, hear me out anyway.

I love the feeling of the wind on my face and the cold air in my lungs, the sights, sounds, and scents of God’s amazing creation, and the freedom and release that accompany a good hard run outside.  And most of all, I enjoy the rhythm from the pounding of my feet on the ground, the thumping of my heart in my chest, the inhaling and exhaling.  It is steady and predictable, unlike many things in life.

Running on a treadmill is not quite the same experience.  The exhilaration of exercise is still good, but much is lost and I’m more aware of my own fatigue.  I’ll run on a treadmill only if I must—if weather or other circumstances dictate that it is my only option for any kind of a workout.    

Even worse than running on a treadmill is running on a treadmill that has a stutter.  If a treadmill is not consistently steady in its pace, if it has a hiccup in its belt, it throws off the rhythm of the run and makes me want to just get off the treadmill, foregoing the benefits of the run.

Sometimes life is just like a treadmill.  We have our routines, we have our rhythm.  We have our sources of encouragement, joy, and motivation right alongside those things that suck our energy and our time—all of which together make up the fabric of our weeks.

The treadmill of my life developed a stutter this winter in a number of ways.  Several of the things that were on “my plate” that gave me joy—and if I’m honest, gave me a sense of value and self-worth—were suddenly and nearly simultaneously taken away.  First, the blog for which I had been a periodic contributing author for about a year ceased to publish just days before my next guest post was due.  A few days later, the local gym where I had been teaching weekly indoor cycling classes for about 6 months decided to do away with all of its cycling classes.

A double blow, just before the holidays.

To top it off, right when the joy--and chaos--of the holidays was finally about to give way to “normal routines” again, the January ice, snow, and cold—and their resulting cancellations and delays—created a disconcerting stutter in the pace of life’s treadmill.

Exacerbating this was the fact that for my youngest, disruption to routines can result in a highly dysregulated emotional state, challenging my patience and reserves of motherly love.

Each of these items, taken individually, seems rather minor and inconsequential, but in sum, my rhythm got thrown and the result was discouragement and a downward spiral of self-pity.

But God, in His goodness and grace and sovereignty, allowed all of these things to converge in my life to have me hovering over Romans 8 at just the right time and for an extended period of time.  So many rich verses to ponder for several weeks:

Romans 8:1: There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8: 5: For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

Romans 8:18: For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:26: Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

And one of my lifelong favorites:

Romans 8:28: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

But the verse that most spoke life to my weary heart was the one I quoted at the outset of this devotion:

 Romans 8:6: “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

God, in His mercy, used these words to open the eyes of my heart to see the degree to which I had been so intensely focused on the flesh, on my own perceived “needs” and “rights.”  The result was a chorus of the “D” words--Discouragement, Despair, Depression, Dejection—which amount to what Paul describes in Romans 8:6 as “death.”

And God, in His grace, gave me a heart to appreciate the preciousness of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me, and gave me a renewed desire to walk by the Spirit moment by moment through unpredictable days. His Spirit indeed has filled me with renewed life and peace.

So, keeping it real here, what do all these fluffy word pictures really mean?  What does having life and peace by setting the mind on the Spirit look like?  I can only speak for my own experience, but for me, it means being able:

• to trust that the unexpected removal of those activities that I enjoyed will clear my plate for new avenues of serving The Lord and using my gifts for His glory;
• to recognize the fear and hurt behind my daughter's emotional meltdowns and love her through them, rather than focusing on how they make me feel and the way they inconvenience me;
• to use kind words and offer a reassuring presence in the darkness when another daughter has insomnia lasting from 1am through the rest of the night, rather than feeling angry and put out because my own sleep was disturbed;
• to acknowledge that, when I do feel my patience waning, the very core of who I am in this season of life need not be threatened by the feelings of failure at motherhood that sometimes emerge;  
• to accept God's grace and shed self-condemnation when, in my flesh, I hear the “mean mommy voice” coming out of my own mouth after a long afternoon full of my beloved daughter's meltdowns;
• to recognize my own failures as teaching opportunities for my girls that we are all equally in need of God's grace;
• to embrace yet another "snow day" and disruption to "my" plans, choosing to relish the birthday gift of another day with my kiddos at home with me, rather than lamenting what I didn't get to do alone that day;
• to recognize the Spirit's call to get out of bed when awakening early on a morning when I purposely didn't set an alarm, in order that I might seek Him in prayer, meditate on His word, and find the words for this devotion. 
• to seek The Lord in earnest each morning to allow Him to set my day's agenda rather than seeing my morning devotions as the first on my list of tasks, or--even worse--not taking the time to meet with Him at all.

More often than not, life's treadmill will have a stutter.  Things will go differently than we had planned.  Disappointments will come.  Dreams for ourselves or our children may not be realized.  People will hurt us and fail us.  We will fail ourselves and those we hold dear.  Loved ones will die.  Sickness or injury will slow us down.  Snow and ice will come on yet another Wednesday morning and CBS will be cancelled.  Fill in the blank.

Praise The Lord for giving us the remedy for the broken treadmill of life.  My prayer for myself and each of us is that He would graciously prompt us contiually to set our minds on the things of the Spirit.  And I thank The Lord for the opportunity to serve alongside each of you as I see you model with such grace what it is to walk in the Spirit.

What a Difference One Year Makes!

This Mama is teary-eyed...

This child--one year ago starting kindergarten and unable to even grasp the concept of tracing simple lines let alone have the visual-motor coordination for that simple task--today did her first practice "spelling test", writing her words independently with only auditory cues. Given, the words are quite simple and the letter formation is still developing, but I am so proud of Isabel! She got them all right on the first try and the words are legible. 

Feeling grateful and proud.

A Few Lilly-isms that Warm my Heart

So, last week as I was doing Lilly's hair one morning, she asked if her "pink tails" were done.  I took note of her pronounciation--didn't correct it, as she has quite a few pronunciation issues that we are working on but this one was pretty cute--but wasn't entirely sure I had heard her correctly or that she had intetnded to say "pink" rather than "pig."

Yesterday, however, she very clearly requested "pink tails" when I was doing her hair.  Oh, so cute.  And appropriate for this 7-year-old who is girly and pink most of the time.

On a more serious, but no less touching, note, last night as we were reading our BIble stories before bedtime, Lilly asked with concern in her voice "Mom, do Chinese people not believe in Jesus?"  When I responded that there are many CHinese people who do believe in Jesus, but there are also many Chinese people who have never heard about Jesus, she pondered it quietly for a moment and said with determined resolve "well, I can go tell them.  Even in Chinese.  When I'm bigger and we go back to see China together, Mom, I can tell them about Jesus."

Oh, my heart.  This child has a heart for her birthland, and she has a passion for making Christ known.  Lord, grow this desire in her heart, grow her love for you, and strengthen her for whatever calling You have for her.

What I Did for my Summer Vacation

So, it's back to school time...the kids have been officially back to school for 2 days now.  Time for me to get caught up on all sorts of things around the house that have been set aside for the summer months so the kids and I could take full advantage of their time at home.  One of the long-neglected things has been my blog!  I have had plenty of fodder for thought and for writing, but, really, no time to sit and bang anything out here on the keyboard.  I have taken lots of lots of pictures to prove it.

So, to jumpstart my return to hopefully somewhat regular blogging about happenings at Casa Cantilina, I offer you here a "back-to-school" photo essay to catch you up since the kids departed school late last Spring.

Let's begin with the end of the school year...

Anna had a field trip to the NEwseum in Washington, DC, and I got to be a chaperone!  Yay!  Cherry blossoms were out, too.  Bonus.

The Mei Meis and I got to go cheer Jared on in one of his home track meets in the spring.  Glad there are no scents on the blogosphere.  He ran fast though!

Lilly underwent her next VEPTR expansion surgery, and again amazed all at her speedy recovery time. Surgery was on Tuesday, and we were home in time to get Isabel off of the school bus in Wednesday!

Arriving home from CHOP that early allowed me to participate in ISabel's kindergarten field trip to a local farm, complete with hay ride, strawberry sampling, and a picnic.  Here she is with her beloved Ms. Pleasant, who lives up to her name in every way.

So, in the midst of end-of-school-year frenzy, Tom pinned on his next rank of Colonel.  The ceremony was beautiful, held at the National Archives in Washington DC, standing right in from the the original Constitution of the UNited States.  How cool is that?  We were joined by a contingent from both sides of our family and made a fun weekend of it, complete with a breakfast reception after the ceremony and an evening reception at a lovely historic Mill House at one of our local county parks, joined by friends, family, and church family.  We are truly blessed!

Shortly thereafter, several important things happened (on the very same day): Isabel celebrated her 7th birthday (the party took place a few days later)...

...and Tom took command of the 779th Medical Group at Joint Base Andrews, the very place where he completed his family practice residency 13 years ago (and where Anna was born).  He said farewell to the folks at the Defense Health Headquarters, Office of the AF Surgeon General...

...and humbly took command at a wonderful ceremony.

Meanwhile, end-of-school-year festivities abounded, with ice cream parties, field days, slide shows, awards ceremonies, and Isabel's kindergarten "Author's Tea."

This is from Anna's end-of -year slide show, with her good friend, Tess.

Here is Isabel with Ms. Pleasant, receiving her author's certificate.  

And then...summer vacation finally arrived.  I, Mom, was determined that we would A) work hard at chores around the house and homeschooling, so that B) we could get out and do fun things.  I think we succeeded at both:

Blueberry picking...(picked 14 pounds!)

National Harbor (Jared enjoys doing parkour anywhere he gets the chance...this place offered some good obstacles...)

 Visit from dear friends from Florida and some DC sightseeing...

Visit from a departing friend from Tom's days at Eglin...

Trip to see Monsters University with neighborhood friends...

We spent 4th of July weekend catching up with old Hopkins friends the Murrays and the Kims at the Murrays beach house in Delaware--fun times!

And then straight home to VBS week!!  Fun for all...Anna helped to lead worship, Lilly and ISabel each took part, and I served as a guide for a group of 1-2nd graders.  It was amazing, and exhausting.  And Lilly placed her trust in Christ.

We made a point to see dear friends we haven't seen enough of since moving the the DC area!  Here are the girls with my friend Gretchen's daughter, Poppy, also adopted from China.  They enjoyed playing in the outdoor water fountains at Fairfax Corner Mall.

And here is my brave friend Gretchen (from our days inTurkey) who had brain surgery just  afew weeks ago...she is strong and brave and amazing...

We said a lot of goodbyes and hellos as Jared visited his friend Zach in South Carolina for a week...

We got to catch up with old Turkey friends the Matthews, who recently moved to the DC area.  Jared and their Kaelyn did kindergarten and first grade together.

We said goobye to Anna who went away to Mount Gilead Christian Girls Camp for her second summer away.  She had a BLAST!

The Mei Meis got to attend soccer camp with their cousins Peter and Naomi at their church in New Jersey...

While the littles played soccer, us older folks did some fun hiking in New Jersey...

And we did some more DC sightseeing...tours of the US Capitol Building and the Library of Congress, as well as the Bureau of Engraving and Printing...

We got to spend time with longtime friends from our early married days in DC--Ed and Karen Moy (as well as "Auntie Gracie" who we try to see as often as possible!).  The Moys also have two daughters from China...so we did a photo of all of the Chinese people present.  They outnumbered us white folks.  Joy!

Jared snuck away for another week at overnight band camp with his Oakton High School Marching Band, and we joined him for family day at the end of the week, always a fun time.  Meanwhile, I neglected to mention that Jared got his drivers' license this summer...look out!

And who, you ask, might be sitting next to Jared on this bench...hmmmm another new season!

The littles and I, in addition to spending time every day that we weren't traveling or sightseeing doing some "home schooling" tried to spend time at the playground and the neighborhood pool.  ALOT of time.

We capped off our summer with a fun trip to Pittsburgh to spend a long weekend my parents, and to surprise them with a 50th wedding anniversary party.  We had over 80 people attend, from all different parts of my parents' lives.  It was a great day and a great joy to celebrate this awesome milestone.  Jared, Tom, my brother Justin, and I played some hymns as a brass quartet to honor God for His faithfulness just as they have been faithful to each other for 50 years.  We also enjoyed some wonderful time as a family dining outdoors and doing some Pittsburgh sightseeing.

As for me, I spent some time teaching cycling classes (got a job at Gold's Gym back in May!) and still a contributing author at Beyond Bath Time, which has been a fun outlet for me (and maybe one reason I'm not writing on here as often)...

Phew!  I think that about sums it up!  So, now we begin new fall routines...fall fun...and more crazy chaos in Casa Cantilina!

Stay tuned!

Isabel Faith: One Year Home.

Exactly one year ago today, Tom and I met Isabel for the first time. 

 

I have spent a lot of time going through all of the photos from the past year, re-living our adoption trip and appreciating afresh all the wonderful new friends that shared a momentous life event with us.

 

If you have a few extra minutes in your day today, we invite you to experience a recap of Isabel's adoption and first year of grafting into our family.

 

We thank God for her--for preserving her life, for allowing us to be a part of her story, and for the chance to love her and be loved by her.

 

 

 

 

I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Psalm 9:1-3

 

Praise the Lord with us.

 

 

Adoption: What Difference Does it Make?

The answer to this question might seem pretty obvious.

A child from outside a family becomes a part of a family.  Forever. 

The circumstances from which that child comes can vary immensely from one child to another.  The essence, however, is the same in every case: the presence of both extreme loss and need.  Loss of a birth family.  Need for a stable, secure, loving, and warm forever family.

So the impact of adoption on the adopted child seems, clearly, good.  Very good. 

Many people advocate for children who need families, many people advocate for the cause of adoption and encourage other families to consider bringing these precious children into stable, loving homes.  And I heartily encourage all of us to stretch our thinking, evaluate our families, and prayerfully consider this avenue for sharing our love, our home, our resources, our energy, our very lives with those who desperately need it.

But what I really want to talk about in this blog post is not the difference that adoption makes for the adopted child.

(Hope you don't stop reading here...)

What I DO want to highlight is the difference it makes to the adoptive family.

My, oh, my, where to start?

When we began our first adoption journey over 5 years ago, I knew we would be blessed by the addition of a child.  I knew we could make a difference to that child.  But I had no idea how our adoptions would completely transform me, transform my marriage, transform each of my children, expand my thinking, and--most of all--thoroughly enrich my understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

A major component of this transformation, however, has also involved loss and need.  Not for our new child, but for the rest of us, for me.

Loss...of self-centered thinking. 
Need...for extra measures of patience and grace.

Loss...of protective control over more of "my" time.
Need...to recognize that time is God's gift to be invested in those most needful of it.

Loss...of dignity when a new child acts in ways that are less-than-desirable, especially in public.
Need...to give grace to said child and to any other parent seen in public struggling with behaviorally challenging children.

Loss...of any semblance of prideful self-sufficiency.
Need...to humbly ask for help when needed and accept it when graciously offered.

Loss...of control over the health and welfare of my children when facing serious medical trials. Need...to place my trust firmly in The Lord--whose ways are higher than my ways and who is able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine.

Loss...of fears that I'm failing at this task of parenting, compounded with each additional child.
Need...to recognize that success and failure in parenting is not measurable except to judge the state of my heart as I nurture and love.

There is now a richness to our family that would never have developed without the miracle of adoption.

• A husband and wife who face each other wide-eyed in awe of the responsiblity before them, yet strong in the knowledge that they're in this together, standing on a firm foundation that is bigger than either or both of them.
• A wife who sees in her husband a previously unnoticed tenderness and a generous heart willing to stretch his love.
• Older children who have taken on a new level of maturity in selflessly looking to the needs of younger siblings.
• A teenaged son who steps away from video games occasionally because he loves to make his littlest sisters giggle and shriek.
• A pre-teen daughter who has learned to open her heart, bucking her inwardly-focused nature. 
• A family where dual language sentences are common and we have twice as many reasons to laugh at silly verbal expressions.
• A mother whose grasp of the depth of God's love has deepened by considering the unfathomable gospel of Jesus Christ--that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, so that we might be adopted as God's children.

Adoption. It is good. The difference it makes is immeasurable.

One Year Ago...

...Tom and I were in China, getting ready to meet Isabel for the first time. 

I'm doing much thinking these days about the difference adoption makes. 

Feeling a blog post coming in.

Be forewarned.

Happy Chinese New Year!

新年快乐！