I believe that nothing takes God by surprise, and that He has purposes for everything He allows or ordains on this earth.
For me personally, this time of social isolation, social distancing, and the loss of our normal rhythms of daily life has led to introspection, processing the lessons God Has for me to learn from this time.
I have known for many years that, for me, the structure and rhythm that come from daily routines are a source of peace, comfort, and sanity. I have written about that before (like here or here) when other things—like snow days or surgery weeks with Lilly—have disrupted our rhythms. But this time, the interference with the patterns of our days is much more far reaching and much longer term. And it has revealed the extent to which such structure was an idol of my heart.
It did not surprise me, therefore, when I began to feel that familiar uneasy feeling when this season of social isolation was thrust upon us so rapidly and unexpectedly. I knew that feeling stemmed from my perceived need for some semblance of control, order, and structure.
This new paradigm offered me none of those things.
So, on day one of our attempt to start “doing school at home,” (I won’t call it “homeschooling” out of respect for family and friends who are true homeschoolers, knowing that homeschooling is an entirely different thing than what we are attempting to do right now) my tendency toward creating order and structure resulted in both of my younger girls being in tears before 9 am because of the rigidness of the schedule I was attempting to impose on all of us.
Clearly, this approach was not going to work.
I praise the Lord for helping me to quickly realize that this unexpected and highly unsettling time could either produce major unhappiness (exacerbated by my attempts to assert my version of "control"), or it could be a time to lean in and embrace the blessings it offers.
So I am learning to savor and soak in this time of slowness, of togetherness, of seeing my girls explore some new things on their own initiative. I am learning to offer grace and patience when, on any given day, at least one amongst us (myself included) needs to know it’s OK to feel upset, it’s OK to feel a little out of sorts, it’s OK to wish things were “normal” again, it’s OK to mourn what has been lost.
Like everyone, there are things I grieved when this rapid change hit us: I had been in the throes of planning a spring women’s conference at church, ironically centered on the theme that “you are not alone.” Months of planning, praying, and hard work were seemingly all for naught. With the gyms closed, my sense of pride and purpose in teaching fitness classes was suddenly gone. And with the public schools and college campuses closed and Tom now teleworking, I lost any semblance of extended alone time.
But, more importantly, what have I gained? I have gained a new perspective on God’s nearness—even in social isolation, we are not alone. I had literally just spent months studying God’s nearness to us in order to teach a group of women about it—-what a gift to have those scriptures close in my heart for this time. I gained a fresh realization of how much I truly love my family and enjoy being together (and I am grateful because I know there are those for whom having extended time at home with family may be painful or even dangerous). I gained a new gratitude for this time to be together. I gained a fresh appreciation for financial security and housing and clean water and soap and friendly neighbors and plenty of food and the internet--all things that are so taken for granted at other times.
And, for me personally, I am increasingly sensing that there are some parts of our new “normal” that I may like to keep permanently. There are some things that I initially counted as losses that I am now wondering if there is not so much a reason to mourn but to embrace the shedding of some older patterns and habits to allow more space for new things God is working in my heart and life or in the heart of my family.
A verse from the book of Hosea has been popping into my mind regularly during this time:
Hosea 10:12
Sow for yourselves righteousness;
reap steadfast love;
break up your fallow ground,
for it is the time to seek the LORD,
that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.
And I say “Lord, have your way.”
As we together ride out this pandemic, not knowing how long this will last or what life will look like on the other side of it, I pray that the lessons for each of us will not be wasted and there will be new growth and new life that emerges.
