So beyond me.

Today was one of those days that reminds me that, even when I might feel as if I have some semblance of control over our days, it's really truly out of my hands. 

Today, day 17 since Lilly's expansion surgery, she began to run a fever. 

This whole week, we have been a little suspicious that something might be brewing.  Her incisions started looking a little funky early this week and started even having a bad smell (which reminded me of how they smelled when she had her last infection).  She also began having more pain, night terrors, and a bizarre itchy red rash (some like hives) all over her body, mainly on her legs, sides, and back.

Not liking what we were seeing, we had some blood work done on Wednesday and I kept the doctor's appointment for her on Thursday that I had almost cancelled when the doc late last week was able to put in some referrals (for other issues that have come up recently with her right hand function and strength and possible neurological problems) for us without actually seeing Lilly.

Of course, the day you go to the doctor is the day that everything looks great and they wonder why you are sitting there in the doctor's office...

• The blood work actually didn't look terrible--white count was normal and CRP was slightly elevated but nothing like how high it went during her last infection and could totally be attributed to recent surgery. 
• Her incisions actually began to look better because we had removed her funky steri strips and placed a fresh dressing over the incisions.
• Her rash was nearly gone.

So, of course, the family practice doc we were seeing (and Tom and I as well) were really no longer concerned about infection.  Ready to move on into the rest of our week--which included back to school orientations for all of the kids & Jared's marching band's first football field show--as well as get ready for next week--which holds big things like 4 kids starting 10th grade, 7th grade, 1st grade, and kindergarten as well as Chinese school for 3 girls on Sunday afternoons. 

(Oh, and not to mention my starting in my new role as a Core Group leader for Community Bible study, and Tom and me beginning to get the ball rolling for co-hosting/leading a new home group from church, and continuing to do my marathon training--only 5 weeks to go!--and hoping to up the intensity of all of my workouts now and maybe shed a few of the stubborn post-adoption, post-surgery pounds that are ignoring my attempts at self-discipline in eating and intense fitness regimen...and hoping to maybe even start teaching spin classes at a gym again...and...and...and...but I digress...)

Today, however, concerns quickly picked back up.  Lilly's sleep patterns have been all over the map this week. This morning, however, when she slept till 9:30am, barely touched her breakfast, wanted to be carried to and from the park and barely played at the park, and then just wanted to be held after lunch, I knew something was up. When she complained that her head hurt and her shoulder and arm hurt and she felt warm, I began the obsessive-compulsive temperature-taking. The first two times I took it this afternoon, it was normal. Then it began to climb. Highest today hasn't been too high...101.7...but anything above 100.4 is of concern when dealing with possible post operative infection.

So, making this long saga a little shorter...after talking with Doctor Campbell, we filled some remaining refills on her oral antibiotics from the last infection and started her on them this afternoon. She should start to feel better in a few days, and hopefully can start school on time without missing a beat.  Now we wait and pray that this infection has not made its way to her hardware, where antibiotics are ineffective. 

In the category of brutal transparency:  Did I mention this is not how I had planned to spend our Labor Day weekend before schools starts?  And did I mention that not only do I feel immense concern for Lilly but also pangs of mother guilt when Isabel suddenly feels the need to point out every scratch and owie she might have on her legs or arms and whimpers and whines when I carry a weary and feverish Lilly around but can't pick her up too?  I might also add that feeling so very out of control and inadequate for such circumstances just makes me want to eat chocolate--or maybe have a glass of red wine--and that's really not what will make those stubborn pounds slip away.  Clothes fitting too tightly doesn't enhance my mood at all either. 

Yes, it's all beyond me.

Thank the Lord He's got it all in His hands and nothing takes Him by surprise.  Earlier today, when Lilly's tylenol had kicked in we walked to the park.  On the way, she wanted to sing together.  When she asked me what I wanted to sing, the only songs I could think of were "When I am afraid, I will trust in you," "Our God is so big..." and "Jesus Loves Me."

Indeed, "they are weak but He is strong." Personalizing it a bit, I am weak, but He is strong.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.   Proverbs 18:10